In the process of writing a scathing column about how the former president is once again fomenting treason, with his claims that he’ll be “reinstated” later this summer, I realized something.

We’re living in a dystopian novel.

It’s the tale of a world turned upside down. Bad is good, adultery is virtue, lies are truth. Don’t believe what you see and hear, only believe what the guy who tells you what you want to hear tells you.

In our scary story, people stormed the seat of government, ransacking offices, smearing feces on the walls, urinating in the hallways, chanting for the hanging of the Vice President of the United States.

But, according to the insurrection’s apologists, it wasn’t such a big thing, was it? Why, if you looked at pictures of that day next to a picture of a regular day in the Capitol, you would have sworn it was just a bunch of tourists. (You can almost envision a Capitol tour guide, saying, “OK, ladies and gentlemen, here’s the spot where we encourage you to smear feces on the walls and over there is the hallway where you’re required to urinate. Also, we encourage you to break into House and Senate offices, sit at their desks, destroy their property, and maybe steal some stuff. And for a mere $20 extra, we’ll allow you to climb to the Rotunda Balcony, remove the American flag, and replace it with a flag that bears the name of your favorite narcissistic zealot. And if you’re feeling especially bold, take our ‘Encounter with Capitol Police Adventure,’ where you’ll be allowed to beat Capitol Police with flagpoles and maybe even kill one of them.”

This, of course, leads to the whacky plot twist, where the guy who lost the election claims he’ll magically be placed back in office soon, because … wait for it … he says so.

In the normal world, most folks would at least say, “Wait a minute here,” but not in our tale. Here, they yelp, “Yay, hooray!” We shall get our way at last! Please, sir, tell us what we want to hear, show us what we want to see!

Yes sir, we’re mired in a poorly-written dystopian novel. Truth is determined by how much the listener agrees with the statement. Fact is determined by what folks want to see.

In rational times, people from all political realms would see the disgraced politician is merely trying to make a power grab. That he doesn’t want to make the country great, he wants to make the country HIS. But this is a dystopian novel. Here his cynical treason is hailed as patriotism.

Yes, it is indeed a dystopian tale. There are no zombies in this tale. They’re not scary enough. There are also no aliens. The aliens visited and decided this place is way too nuts for their tastes, so they went off to vacation with the ghost of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. on Saturn’s moon, Titan. Children aren’t fighting each other to the death here. Adults are too busy acting like children to organize such a thing. Bands of vicious outlaws aren’t terrorizing the countryside. Bands of delusional politicians are selling bizarro, narcissistic fantasies. (Causing the bands of vicious outlaws to throw up their hands and say, “Yeah, you guys are nuts. Even for us.”)

I’m terrified to ask if this is indeed the bottom of the rabbit hole, because what if this sucker gets deeper? (Seriously. Could this sucker get any deeper?)

Up is down, front is back, virtue is vice, treason is patriotism, truth is a lie and lies are the order of the day. If we ain’t at the bottom of the rabbit hole yet, we’re surely bottom of the rabbit hole adjacent, don’t you think?

Craig Carter is an Ontario resident and can be reached in care of The Argus Observer, 1160 S.W. Fourth St., Ontario, OR 97914. The views and opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily represent those of the Argus Observer.

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