Hey! When you voted recently, did you happen to catch the entirety of the “Greater Idaho” fool’s errand initiative? I mean, did you read the whole thing?

Oh, sure, it said the County Court would meet three times a year to discuss how to promote the relocation of the Idaho-Oregon border, but it said something else, as well. And I quote: “Civil penalties are provided for anyone who willfully prohibits, cancels or hinders any of the prescribed meetings of the county court. A civil offense against this ordinance will be a Class D Violation, with a maximum fine of $125 to be enforceable by any sworn Oregon Peace Officer.”

Boy, howdy! Do I ever want that citation! I’ll laminate it and wear in on a lanyard as a badge of honor. Or, I’ll proudly frame it and place it prominently in my house. But the one thing I will NOT do is pay it. Why? It’s considerably more than sketchy that a government entity wants to make it a crime to call their foolishness foolish, and more importantly, the final clause of the First Amendment gives me the right to peacefully call political foolishness foolish.

So, how do I go about this? Can I cancel anything? Nope. Can I prohibit? If only I could. But hinder? That’s right up my alley!

Craig H. Carter. And the H stands for Hindrance. (Mom and Dad claimed it was for Harlan, but that was before they really knew me.) Yes sir, I’m a hindering son-of-a-gun. The nuns in grade school constantly told my parents I didn’t apply myself and that I was a hinderance. My co-workers and bosses at my day job will gladly tell you of my legendary hindering abilities. Why, even Lovely Wife will tell you, “These grey streaks in my hair ain’t from the salon, you know?” I am to hindrance what Mozart was to symphony, what Ali was to boxing, what Mo was to hitting his cohorts in the face with a shovel.

So, let the hindering commence! …

The first thing you’ll notice in Greater Idaho is nearly everything you buy will cost at least 6% more. (What? You thought your new state government would figure since you haven’t paid sales tax to now, they’re going to let it slide?) That’s a pretty heavy blow to especially lower income peoples’ cost of living. And that 6% will likely increase, because your new state is going to stretch from Canada and Washington, to Utah, Nevada and California, to the Pacific Ocean. That’s a ponderous patch of real estate to maintain and govern. It’s going to cost money. As is transitioning local, county and state governmental infrastructure and facilities. It’s not just a matter of drawing some lines. You’re going to have to transfer computer software, signage, and a slew of other things you won’t realize until they have to do it. (And you’ll have to pay for it.) So, it’s a good bet other taxes will increase, as well. And you know that Oregon law that prohibits property taxes from being raised without voter consent? Idaho doesn’t have that law. And in that vein, if you rent, Oregon has a law that prohibits landlords from raising rents more than 10% in a year. Idaho doesn’t have that law, either.

Plus, you’re going to have to get a new driver’s license and new plates and tags for your car. Those fees will likely increase as well, to pay for the DMV transition from one state to another.

And you know how frustrated you claim to be that the Portland/Salem/North Coast areas dominate Oregon politics? Do you really think Ada and Canyon Counties are going to be any different? (And what’re you going to do as Boise continues to grow, and as all big urban areas do, becomes more liberal? Petition to join Nevada? Utah?)

Plus, there are a slew of other things neither I, you, nor the advocates of this foolishness can even fathom until they become a stark reality, and we’ll all have to deal with and pay for it.

So, I have to ask, is all this (and much more) worth having someone in the governor’s mansion who tells you what you want to hear?

More importantly, was I a hindrance? If so, send the ticket to my house. I’m easy to find. If not, I’ll keep trying.

I want that citation!

Craig Carter is an Ontario resident and can be reached in care of The Argus Observer, 1160 S.W. Fourth St., Ontario, OR 97914. The views and opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily represent those of the Argus Observer.

Load comments