Fathers find focus at Vale gathering

By Katie Pizza
Argus Observer
Friday, April 3, 2009 11:11 AM PDT

Boise counselor John Pingry speaks to a group of men at the Malheur County Children Development Center Tuesday night. In attendance were Ruperto Hernandez, Nyssa, Saul Hernandez, Nyssa, Carlos Moncada, Ontario, Jose Vega, Ontario, Jesus Cesquiver, Vale, Jesse Ortega III, Nyssa, Jacob Gravett, Vale, Jay Myers, Vale, Brian Bouraga, Vale, with James Torruellas as translator.

Vale — Anna Klug believes two things are true about parenting: It is the hardest job one will ever have, and it doesn’t come with instructions.

However, as on-site coordinator of the Malheur County Child Development Center in Vale, Klug offered interested fathers and other male figures a few hints Tuesday night.

Counselor John Pingry offered 10 men advice about how to be better involved in children’s lives at the MCCDC Headstart, situated at 401 E Street W. in Vale. Pingry, a counselor in Boise, said not only did the male involvement night help those in attendance communicate with youths, it helped him to see where he could improve as a father as well.

“I just really feel that men need to know that they’re part of the process,” Pingry said. He said, with 50 percent of children born out of wedlock, some dads may not be educated on what it takes to be a good father. As the guest speaker at the male involvement night, Pingry offered an interesting role model for parenting — comedian Jeff Foxworthy.

“In an interview, Jeff Foxworthy talked about the importance of dads,” Pingry said. “He said kids that grow up without dads can turn out two ways: They turn out to be like their dad or they turn out to be the best dad they can be.”

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Pingry said being the best dad one can be means not relying on extremes — such as being overly aggressive or excessively passive. Extremes, he said, don’t always work in everyday life and should not be applied to parenting.

“Don’t try to overcompensate in any way,” he said. “Just be that good dad.” Ontario resident Carlos Moncada said he believed listening to Pingry’s advice was important for him and his children and that he planned to implement Pingry’s suggestions.

“I am always trying to be a better parent every day,” Moncada said.

Pingry also incorporated stories into the hour-long session, telling a joke about a traveler and a farmer sitting on a porch talking. The farmer’s dog would periodically bark, disrupting the conversation. As the visitor expressed concern for the dog, the farmer would repeatedly ask the traveler to ignore the animal yelps. Finally, the visitor insisted the farmer pay attention to the animal, who was obviously in pain.

“Just ignore him. He’s sitting on a nail. It hurts enough to complain but not enough for him to get up,’” Pingry said. Pingry said the joke contains an important lesson about parenting, since parents often question how much they should help their children.

Nyssa resident Jesse Ortega III cautioned against moving the dog from atop the nail.

“If he does it too much, he’s rescuing the dog,” Ortega said.

Pingry expressed support for calling the dog over away from what was causing it distress.

“You’re giving them an option. You’re telling them ‘You don’t have to do that anymore,’ ” he said.

Ortega asked for advice on raising teenagers, since teenagers are too old for time-outs. Pingry recommended setting a good example by not showing emotion when communicating with youths — a practice he said is called modeling good behavior in the counseling field.

“A good way of approaching this is to say ‘I see that you’re upset, we’ll come back to this when you’re calm,” he said, stating the youths can stay where they are or go to their room to cool off.

The audience members spoke highly of the male involvement night, which is open to any male connected with a local Headstart. Krug said she would like to invite Pingry to speak at the event again about such issues as finding time for oneself and transitional periods in young lives. However, she did not have a date set at this time.

Krug also encouraged the men at the meeting to attend a Fun Night at the Head Start at 6 p.m. April 23. She said the night, which is open to any male connected with a local headstart, would feature arts and crafts as well as pizza.

Vale resident Brian Bouraga said he attends events at the head start every chance he gets and that the nights are good for young fathers such as himself.