Random Acts of Writing: The memories of aquarium dwellers
By Craig Carter
Thursday, September 4, 2008 11:59 AM PDT
Scientists tell us, guppies, goldfish and other such aquarium dwellers have no memory. They know this because they asked thousands of guppies, goldfish and other aquarium dwellers “who won the 1986 World Series,” and not one of them gave the right answer. If you can’t remember the 1986 World Series, you have no memory.
At any rate, since guppies, goldfish and other aquarium dwellers have no memory, the little toy scuba diver in the tank always surprises them, and, as Ani DiFranco so eloquently pointed out, the castle always amazes them. With this in mind, let us hearken to shortly after Russia invaded Georgia. (The former Soviet republic that borders the Black Sea, not the place where Sherman marched to the sea.) Our president stood behind a podium that bore the seal of his office, and with a straighter-than-straight face, he scolded the Russians for invading another country, saying countries don’t invade other countries in the 21st century.
This comment was almost perfectly parroted by Sen. John McCain, who said, “In the 21st century, nations don’t invade other nations.” And it was once again almost perfectly parroted by Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, who said not only don’t nations invade other nations in the 21st century, nations don’t enter other nation’s capitals, overthrow the government and occupy said nation.
Apparently March of 2003 conveniently slipped some people’s minds.
I’m reminded of an online conversation I had with a conservative just shortly after that certain 2003 invasion, where I pointed out how the Bush Administration would no longer have a high ground to stand on should some other country decide to do as we did. I was called an idiot and was told that would never happen.
Anyway, the Russian response to the scolding was to pretty much engage in a lot of double speak, promising to withdraw troops but not giving a definite timetable, promising to end hostilities while escalating hostilities, and they made an eerily-familiar comment they had a right to defend themselves and to protect their interests. Which was a polite way of telling the American president to go urinate up a rope.
Unilateral, unprovoked invasions have a way of biting a nation on its oblivious behind. Who’d-a-figured?
So let us return to the aquarium dwellers, and hearken to the day before the Beijing Olympics began, when President Bush made a stop in Taiwan, to stand at a podium that bore the seal of his office, and with a straighter-than-straight face lectured the Chinese government in regard to human rights. The president who adamantly says “we don’t torture,” but in the very next sentence says, “but if we do torture, it’s with the best of intentions, and besides, waterboarding isn’t really torture, it’s just what we like to call an, ‘interrogation method,’ ” saw fit to lecture the Chinese on the way they treat political prisoners and how they deny due process of law to people they deem enemies.
Because the Olympics were to begin the next day, the Chinese government was desperate to put its best foot forward. The response was quite carefully worded, but the message was loud and clear. They said leaders that live in glass (white) houses shouldn’t throw rocks, and in the politest, most measured of fashions, they told the American president to go urinate up a rope. Many who read this will presume I’m saying the president has the intellect of a goldfish or a guppy. Not so. He thinks we do. However, I cannot help but wonder if there was at least one person in the president’s communications office that looked at the lecturing of other nations in regard to human rights and unilateral invasions and said, “Wait a minute, Mr. President. We can’t criticize other countries for doing exactly what we’ve done.” Sadly, if that did happen, someone probably replied, “Shhh, don’t say anything. The American people will never notice. They’re too busy being surprised by the castle and the little plastic scuba diver.”
Craig Carter, an Ontario resident, writes a bi-weekly column for the Argus Observer. Comments or questions for Mr. Carter can be directed to: Craig Carter, Argus Observer Newsroom; 1160 S.W. Fourth St., Ontario, OR 97914
