Throwing stones in a glass house

By Craig Carter
Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:52 AM PDT

Sen. Larry Craig intrigues me. First he says he’ll wait until a Minnesota court rules on overturning his guilty plea until he resigns, and then when the Minnesota court tells him to take a flying leap, he says he’s going to stay in the Senate until the Senate Ethics Committee investigates and rules.

I used to have sympathy for him, but now it’s beginning to look like he’s content to keep this whole sordid thing in the public eye, and for what? Even if the Ethics Committee were to investigate and find in his favor, (fat chance). I fear any and all attempts he now makes to “clear his good name,” will only result in him sullying his name, the Senate’s reputation and his party’s fortunes even further.

I have visions of each and every Republican candidate, from the presidential candidate to the candidate for the office of dogcatcher in Two Dot, Montana, running ads that say, “I don’t know Larry Craig, I’ve never talked to Larry Craig. I don’t even know what a Larry Craig looks like.”

But there it is. Sen. Craig still insists he was just going potty when he tapped his foot, and the rest is history. Oh yeah, and he picked up a piece of paper off the floor.

Actually, that was the claim that cut it for me. If there’s a piece of paper on the floor of my own bathroom, I get a broom and a dustpan.

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I’ve never met anyone who would actually pick up a piece of paper from the floor of a public toilet leading me to believe either Sen. Craig is just about the most conscientious, civil-minded human being who ever walked the face of the earth, or he engaged in some rather questionable behavior in a public restroom.

Given his recent behavior, smart money is on the latter.

And in this context, or any other context for that matter, should we really be referring to it as a “restroom?” If resting is going on in there, um let’s not even get into that.

Seriously, though, I have to repeat that it just amazes me how Sen. Craig seems insistent on remaining in the public eye as the butt of late night talk show jokes and the subject of water cooler talk.

Why, I, myself, have pledged to all my co-workers that should I ever have to go No. 2 in a public forum, I plan on holding it in until I get home.

I don’t know the gay rituals, and I don’t want to know the gay rituals, (not that I have anything against gay people or their rituals. It’s just that in the bathroom is the last place I want to get an education, if you catch my drift), so I plan to play it completely safe when it comes to the bathroom.

And isn’t it a bit of a misnomer to refer to it as a “bathroom?” Not a lot of bathing going on in there, either. My Canadian friends call them, “washrooms,” and they claim that’s more accurate, but having utilized a number of public waste evacuation facilities, I know men in particular don’t do a lot of washing in those rooms. (Think about that the next time a man offers to shake your hand after he’s exited the facilities.)

Then again, I suppose Sen. Craig could be telling the truth.

He was just getting comfortable in the stall, and he’s incredibly civic-minded enough to clean the litter in the men’s room with his bare hands, (eww!) and there was a catchy tune on the Muzak, so he had to tap his foot

However, he said he’d leave, so he should leave.

Then again, if we demand that all politicians who refuse to do what they said they’d do resign, Washington would be a ghost town.

Hey, there’s an idea.